"Fool's Hat"
I painted this after dealing with the aftermath when one of the most significant relationships in my life ended. I had to choose to close a chapter of my life that I thought would be open forever.
It is based off of a poem I wrote as I was dealing with my grief, titled "Househusband".
The pastel lilac background initially hints at a feminine, soft appearance. This is a metaphor for the marriage. Beautiful to a viewer, but hiding pain and secrets.
Figures were purposely painted on the canvas in its most fragile, raw form, mirroring my emotions at the time. Figures are shades of pink, blue, and purple, almost appearing lifeless, made of stone, or bruised.
The looming red square in the centre is almost overpowering, but being restrained by the tender strength of the figures.
It's bursting in writing with things said, things unsaid, and everything in between. The box is closed, sealed forever. I'm unable to ever get rid of it, but finally able to set it aside, filed away as a version of myself that no longer fits.
One of the figures wears a Jester's hat. In mediavil times, the jester hat was also known as a cap ‘n’ bells or a fool’s cap. I decided on this symbolism to represent one of the hardest emotions for me to process- feeling I'd been made a fool, and simply there for entertainment.
But she doesn't wear it with shame. She wears it as a final salute, seeing it now as a badge of honour for the pain she had to go through to be where she is now.
The Poem
HOUSEHUSBAND
Why do we call it a housefly?
Do they even want to be there?
Do they know there’s a world outside,
so big and beautiful and free.
What will happen when they know?
I can tell you.
They will fly,
a fast as they can.
Away
away
away
from you
only coming back
for a familiar feast.