"Endearing Shame"

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This painting is about childhood. Learning lessons. It's about shame, and reclaiming it.

When I was a child, my first big memory of feeling shame was when I stole a tiny diaper from a store for one of my Troll dolls when my mom told me she wouldn't buy it for me. It was no bigger than a quarter.

I remember once the thrill had worn off, I felt sick with myself. I was sure everyone looking at me could tell what I had done, like I had a green hand. It was the worst thing I had done in my life at the time.

It's so beautiful and amusing to explore the innocent mind of a child.

I was thinking about what I would have to do as an adult, to feel that same sense of guilt and dread I felt that day, all for a petty crime. And I hope I never find out.

You can't hide behind being a child anymore.
There is power in that too.

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Endearing Shame

Acrylic, watercolor, graphite and pastel on unbleached cotton canvas, unframed

115 x 170 cm